DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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