A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am one with the molecules
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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