oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
