i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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