summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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