dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
