my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
