tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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