is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm at about main and main street
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
