My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
