Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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