If that was your dad, he is hot
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
