she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
