just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We are all done wearing pants today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
