Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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