Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
