I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So vagazzling was a success
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
