i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
