Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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