Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
