Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
