Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
