I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
