Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
