dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
