It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
