a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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