She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
