TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
