What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
