I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
