remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
These tits shall not be calmed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
