A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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