so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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