I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
