also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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