$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
