dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
