3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
