i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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