Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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