You're so nebulous sometimes
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This toilet bowl is my home.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
