did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
