Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
