Sponge bath it is.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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