I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
