I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
