i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
