She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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