This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
