I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
