So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
