the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
