yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
