PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
