i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
