i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
